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Hi, welcome to fiLLLed in 5 where we take 5 minutes to explore an aspect of the spiritual life.

It’s good to be back! As many of you know, my mom passed away in June. I took time off this summer to grieve and to process life now that my parents are gone. The number one thing I want to share is: that grief is enough. I really hit the parent lottery and had two wonderful, faithful, funny, and engaged parents. They weren’t without flaws, but they were always present, they always loved and forgave, and they taught us the value of letting go of grudges and bad feelings. 

Thus, like when Dad passed, all I have in Mom’s passing is grief. There’s no unfinished emotional business. Grief is enough. There’s no regret, no shame, no guilt, no other yucky stuff piled on top. Just grief. What a tremendous gift that is. This, perhaps, might be the greatest legacy we can give to our loved ones. 

I want to leave a similar legacy, and maybe you do, too. Here’s how we do it. To leave a legacy of love and completeness for our loved ones, we first need to embrace the values of forgiveness and presence in our relationships. By choosing to let go of grudges and resolving conflicts with an open heart, we create a space where love can flourish. When we live with this kind of intentionality, we provide a foundation for our relationships that fosters mutual understanding and acceptance. This act of releasing negative emotions and focusing on love and forgiveness can significantly impact how we are remembered by those we care about.

Another key aspect is to engage deeply with those around us, showing them that they matter. Whether through meaningful conversations, shared experiences, or simply being there for them in times of need, our presence makes a lasting impression. This engagement builds a reservoir of positive memories and feelings that our loved ones will hold onto. When we prioritize being present and supportive, we lay the groundwork for a legacy of love and connection that will be felt long after we’re gone.

Moreover, being open about our feelings and sharing our experiences can be incredibly valuable. By communicating honestly and vulnerably, we set an example for our loved ones on how to handle their own emotions. This openness not only strengthens our relationships but also helps to ensure that, when we are gone, there is no unfinished emotional business. Our loved ones will carry forward the lessons of transparency and emotional integrity that we modeled, making it easier for them to navigate their own journeys with a sense of peace.

Finally, living with gratitude and expressing appreciation regularly can profoundly affect how we are remembered. By recognizing and celebrating the positive aspects of our relationships and showing appreciation for the people in our lives, we contribute to a lasting sense of joy and fulfillment. This approach reinforces the idea that love and gratitude are central to a meaningful life, and it helps our loved ones remember us with warmth and affection, carrying forward the legacy of positivity and grace we left behind.

We all want to be remembered fondly when we’re gone, but more importantly, we want to leave our loved ones spiritually and emotionally healthy and well-equipped to thrive. By modeling love, forgiveness, and gratitude, we improve the quality of all our relationships and equip our loved ones to be spiritually and emotionally healthy throughout their lives. 

I’m Melissa Ebken, the pastor of the Illiopolis and Niantic Christian churches. I have developed spiritual groups, I call them “fiLLLed” to provide a safe place to engage and grow in your spiritual life. If you’d like to explore this topic - either individually or in a group - links to learn more and sign up are in the description. If you’d like to receive an email each Friday with inspiration for your journey, that link is in the description as well. Until next time, be well, be present, and be thankful. Bye for now.