In a divisive and polarized world, good listening skills are important. We often listen with part of our brains, while the rest is readying a response or rebuttal. Listening for understanding is rare to find, and a treasure when it is. Have you had someone, recently, who simply listened to you with their only goal being to understand you? How would you feel about that person? Listening well is a skill you can learn. It will benefit you and be a gift to others.
If you want to become a good listener, there are certain traits and skills you will need to learn. Listening is an exceptional skill to develop and it can improve all areas of your life. People love to talk and are always looking for someone to listen to them.
A good listener will also think before responding. Again, they often ask what if this person is correct in their way of thinking. People have the undesirable trait of speaking before thinking and this can lead to all kinds of awkward situations.
It is perfectly normal for your brain to want to respond quickly, stop yourself and think before you speak!
Sometimes it's hard to stay focused on a person. It is normal to want to look away. If you do this, try nodding to the person or making direct eye contact with them. This signals to them you are paying attention. If you really need to look away for a second, then muffle a cough behind your hand!
Other tips that you might want to use to show that you are paying attention include:
If you make an effort to put these five traits into play consistently, you will become a much better listener - and person - for it.
Find someone who has a different point of view or position on a topic than you and listen to their point of view. Ask questions to understand their position better, not to rebut or to challenge. Look for where the love and compassion are in their position. We don't like to think so, but almost always people form opinions beginning from a place of love and compassion, or general well-being for others. That's why it's so difficult to tolerate other opinions because it's rare that one takes the time to listen for that in the positions and opinions of others.
After listening deeply and compassionately to others, we may not agree with them, but we may come away with an understanding and respect for them and we can put away malice.
What Great Listeners Actually Do
10 Steps To Effective Listening
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Hello Friends!
Hi, my name is Melissa Ebken, and I'm so glad you found your way here.
I help people like you to become grounded in their spiritual beliefs and practices, and grow in their faith. Connecting with the Divine is as natural as drawing a breath - yet sometimes we struggle to separate our intuition and imagination from genuine spiritual encounters, often believing those experiences are beyond our grasp. To begin, I will help you understand your spiritual personality so you can more easily engage with your Higher Power. Then, I will listen. I have found that having a "Holy Listener" allows you to explore your spiritual life and express your thoughts, feelings, and emotions related to your spirituality. Your connection, relationship, and communication with your Higher Power will broaden and deepen.
I have served churches for 25+ years and strive to support people as they grow spiritually and emotionally. I believe that our spiritual lives fuel our physical and emotional experience of life, and I seek to help others connect with their deepest and most authentic self. I began the fiLLLed spiritual direction program to create a safe space for people to explore their spirituality and grow their faith.
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